I was calmly typing up a small article for work when my e-mail client let me know that an important message had just come through. Important. High priority. Highlighted in orange. I will now share it with you with my comments in brackets [ ].

But first, a look at the email address it came from.

It’s from festus12taylor@wooow.it. It says to reply to festus_taylor11@yahoo.fr. And in the body it has this: festus12taylor@walla.com. Do I look new? On to the e-mail!

From Festus Taylor Apealing for urgent assistance
Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire
festus12taylor@walla.com
Tel: 0022501633525

[Festus. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I apologize to those named Festus but unfortunately your name strikes us ignorant Americans as slightly hysterical. I think the main reason it sounds so funny to me is that the person sending this and the e-mail itself are quite "fetid," which is close enough to Festus to make me giggle.]

Attn,

I am pleased to get in touch with you for a very urgent business, although I don’t know you neither have I seen you before but my confidence was reposed on you when I came across your contact during my search for a credible overseas partner to assist me.

[First off, dictionary.com defines "repose" as: 1. the state of reposing or being at rest; rest; sleep. 2. peace; tranquillity; calm. And in other similar ways. So what does "my confidence was reposed on you" mean, exactly?]

I am 21years old, the only surviving son of late Mr. Patrick Taylor My father was a produce buyer & exporter of cocoa and
coffee. My father was shoot with a gun during a trip to the village and dead in a fatal motor accident with my mother and three brothers.

[So let's consult this. The father was "shoot" with a gun AND dead in a fatal motor accident. Does he have nine lives? Or did the gunshot cause the crash? See these are the things I'd like to know. And...was he shot by Festus? Insert your favorite dramatic music here.]

While I was going through my father’s file [he only had one apparently] I discovered that he deposited the sum of fourteen million dollar only (US$14.000,000) with a bank in Abidjan.

[Fourteen million dollar only. ONLY. There's fourteen million of one dollar in this account.]

Presently I am soliciting your assistance as regards the transfer and the investing ! of this money there in your country.

[Ask Charles Schwab. The last I looked I was a writer. And what's up with the !]

You will also be required to assist me so that I can futher my educational carrier.

[I would love to assist Festus with his educational carrier. It's quite obvious that he needs it.]

you will be well compensated for this noble assistance of your’s.

[What?]

Kindly contact me through the above mentioned telephone number and email address respectively.

[WHICH e-mail address? The first, the second, or the third? And just how much money will I have to shell out for that phone call? To a guy named Festus who wants to further his educational carrier (which is quite amazing, I only had an educational career - he actually has a carrier) and invest only $14,000,000 deposited in a foreign bank by his father who was shot AND died in a car crash, possibly at the same time.]

Regards,
Festus Taylor

You know, I feel sorry for the father. He gets shot, potentially by Festus, and then dies in a car crash with his entire family except, coincidentally, Mr. Festus. He puts fourteen million one dollar bills in a bank in Abidjan and now his possibly murdering son wants to invest it elsewhere and give a bunch of it to the guy who carries his education. I wish someone would have carried my education. Perhaps the father wanted Abidjan to be the location of the investment – hence, the depositing of all those one dollar bills there.

It’s not the most amusing scam letter I’ve ever gotten but I figure it’s fun anyway, if only to potentially inspire a murder mystery featuring a foreign banking center and a mysterious, lazy and ungrateful son named Festus, who can’t even carry his own education.

I tell you, it would sell.

In a more serious tone, don’t fall for this. I am constantly saddened by how desperate people get and astounded how many of them will believe crap like this.