I haven’t done one of these in a long time due to taking care of my mother, but today I needed a laugh and found it, as usual, on the mainstream media websites. Here’s the batch!

From MSNBC.com comes this absolute comedy goldmine:

‘Jealous wife’ charged in fatal genitals fire
It might not be funny to the person with the flaming genitalia or his family, but that sentence itself has to be funny to just about everyone else. And I love the quotes. ‘Jealous wife.’ I see someone doing sarcastic air quotes when I see that.

Also from MSNBC:

Apple’s Steve Jobs’ condition a ‘puzzle’
You’d think they’d know how to fix that by now. Put him on House!

From CBSNews.com:

Boy, 4, Shoots Babysitter For Stepping On His Foot
Wow. That is one ticked off kid. How does a four year old get a gun anyway? And why would a four year old’s first thought be, “ouch, he accidentally stepped on my foot, I think I’ll just SHOOT HIM”? Sheesh.

The following are all from CNN.com:

Appearing in both the “more than I needed to know” and “completely worthless snewz” categories:

Harrison Ford’s chest hair waxed, ripped off
This was in CNN’s top news stories. I can see why. The disturbing image of someone ripping off all of Harrison’s chest hair is by far the most important thing I’ve come across all day.

I’m not sure what category to put this in:

Artist tests Facebook ‘nipple rule’
Maybe it’s just me, but when I read this, for some reason I saw a face with nipples on it being stretched and strained by a dude wearing a beret. It is possible I’m not getting enough sleep.

And in the “what in the holy hell are you talking about” category:

Obama reviewed cobbler on TV in ‘01
What? Did he use television to decide if he wanted cherry or apple cobbler? Or maybe he was researching to find someone to fix his shoes? And what does it matter what year it was, unless he reviewed the cobbler in 2001, is going to eat it now, and we’re afraid he’s going to die from food poisoning?