I was up early today and decided it had been too long since a good dose of headlines. Some of these are my usual too pointless to be called news and/or hysterically funny and some I just wanted to comment on. Our first batch comes from CNN, today’s bringer of the most pointless.
Retiring soldier eats 36-year-old cake-in-a-can
This was in the latest news section at the top of the page. I don’t know why. But besides wondering why this is news, I wonder if the guy ate it because he HAD to because he has no money? Is he a little off? Or is he like the guy I knew in science class who would try anything?
Cafferty: Is Sarah Palin still relevant?
Well, considering she lost her first national election and didn’t start a full fledged trend of adding “also” six times to each sentence, I’m not sure she was ever relevant.
Actress on sex, lies, ‘band and snap’
Band and snap? Is that related to Legally Blond’s bend and snap? Curiosity made me actually click the link and it IS bend and snap. CNN just didn’t bother proofreading their headline. Oops.
Alligator spotted belly-surfing off beach
This might win the award for the most meaningless headline of the day. And it was considered top news. Now if the little beast was wearing go-go boots, sunglasses and a fedora, THAT would have grabbed my attention.
Oh wait…no, it got beat out for most pointless by this:
Ticker: ‘I love you,’ says Palin
Really? That’s it? Don’t the majority of Americans say that at least a few times in their lives? We’ve got more soldiers dying in Afghanistan and this is what makes the top headlines?
CNN doesn’t have much to offer today in the way of real news so on to MSNBC. But before I go there, there’s an ABCNews.com headline that takes a sledgehammer to my aggravation button.
American Airlines raises checked-bag fee
You do realize that soon it will actually be cheaper to MAIL your luggage to your destination? You’d probably be more likely to get it too. In fact, since I had to unpack anyway, I just put all the clothes I took to my dad’s house, put them in a box, and weighed it. It would cost me about $16 to mail it to my dad. So I’d already save money that way. This is however the same airline that refused to even consider giving me a refund for a ticket when I had to cancel a trip. Normally I’d say, well that’s the policy but my reason for canceling? My mother had just gone into hospice for the last time. American Airlines, we’ll screw you any way we can.
Rant over. On to MSNBC.
Grilling officials at the fair
I’ve always thought “grill” was an unfortunate headline word. “OJ Simpson grilled in court,” “teacher grilled over class content.” I’m sorry. I see a bunch of kids and teens having a blast at the fair by putting a bunch of officials on a spit and setting them ablaze.
Maybe it’s just me.
Suleman inks reality show deal for her 14 kids
Won’t these kids be traumatized enough by their mother’s plastic surgery? Why do they need to be forced onto television too?
This is my favorite headline today:
Hey stupid! Drop the cell phone and drive
Considering the only people who come close to slamming into me anymore are morons on cell phones, I say: A-fricken’-men.